I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
