Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
