i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
