I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
