One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
