I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
