Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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