I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
