Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Barsexuality is the new black.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
