How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
