didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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