nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
