You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
