I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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