I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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