dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
