it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
