he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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