My nipple is on Facebook.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
