i think my tv is drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
