mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize