I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
