Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
