i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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