I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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