We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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