Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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