I'm so fucking centered right now
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
