i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
