if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
