So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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