i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
