My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
