I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
