The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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