everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
