The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
