but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
