Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
