hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize