It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
