What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
