I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
