it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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