i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
