So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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