If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
