You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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