If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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