if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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