dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize