What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
