well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
