Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
