did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
