I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
