i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize