She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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