plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
