oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize