I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
