Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
