Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
