There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
