can we get nightvision for the apartment?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
