Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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