I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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