Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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