I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
