Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
