I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
