he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
