The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
