Where is the hickey?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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