My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize