do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
