Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
