I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
