She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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