If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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