The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's never too late to be topless.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
These tits shall not be calmed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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