I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
