Just fell off a train. Bad.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
