i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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