At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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