how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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