I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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