It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
