She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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