hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
