smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
