Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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