in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
