Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
